


to want what you cannot have

by ranoonoo



Category: Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), F/M, I actively dont know what im doing, I altered the canon a bit to fit the story pls go with it, Implied Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, fast burn, no beta we die like men, this is trash but so r my feelings here u go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-02-18 08:42:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21841390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranoonoo/pseuds/ranoonoo
Summary: Leon was off-limits. You knew that your entire life. You knew when you and Hop started your gym challenge together, you knew when you beat Leon as champion, and you knew when you took up the mantle thereafter. So waking up beside his still sleeping form, both of you naked as the day you were born, you knew only one thing:Hop was going tokillyou.
Relationships: Dande | Leon/Reader
Comments: 51
Kudos: 743





	1. one.

Leon was off-limits. You knew that your entire life. You knew when you and Hop started your gym challenge together, you knew when you beat Leon as champion, and you knew when you took up the mantle thereafter. So waking up beside his still sleeping form, both of you naked as the day you were born, you knew only one thing:

Hop was going to _kill_ you.

You and Hop started out on your gym challenge the day he turned 18, which was only four days after you. Of course you two wanted to leave earlier in your lives; it’s been the center of both of your dreams since you both received your first Pokémon at the ripe age of five. But after an incident that happened in the neighbouring country of Sinnoh, where a ten-year-old boy lost his life after an incident with an enraged Gyarados, the age limit required to take on the gym challenge raised from ten to _eighteen_.

No matter though, it didn’t hinder your goals anymore then it offered you the chance to train and make them more _realistic_. And you felt good—confident. Your hard work paid off and within a couple weeks you dethroned the raining **_unbeatable_** champion Leon, who was Hop’s older brother, and the man you’ve been in love with since you hit puberty.

Of course Hop knew the torch you carried for his brother—you two have spent almost every day together since you moved to Postwick at age 4. It’s unrealistic to be able to hide feelings like that from your literal other half for the entirety of your young life.

Not like you didn’t _try_ to at least. But Hop is Hop, and one day when you two were fifteen and you were spilling over your diary about the most recent encounter you’ve had with the gorgeous 20 year old that was his big brother, instead of giving all of your attention on the gym leader exhibition match they had splaying on the screen, he snatched the diary out of your hands and proceeded to read it all. Out loud. With your _mother_ in the kitchen right behind you two.

You distinctly remember the stunning shade of Sizzlipede red that his face turned into and the short, stunted conversations you two had the following week. You both moved on of course, but not before you two had a long conversation on how you could _absolutely, never-ever, in a million years **be with Leon.**_ And you conceded. Hop is your best friend who is used to always being second best in terms with his older brother who he so adamantly reveres, even at the age of fifteen. And Leon, Leon is just a guy that would never like you back anyways, and you’d eventually move on.

Boy, were you **wrong**.

But anyways, back to the situation at hand. The slumbering Leon turns into the grumbling Leon, and suddenly your sneaky efforts to extricate yourself from the scene of the crime is for nothing as he turns over and locks your body under one big, strong, beautiful—arm. Arm. Just say arm.

Yep, Hop was going to _kill_ you.


	2. two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dubwool’s dark eyes stared back at you before nudging your head again. You raise a hand, pet it’s soft wool, and then close your eyes. Blissful, relaxing, warm…
> 
> Dubwool?
> 
> Leon didn’t have a Dubwool...

Somehow, in your panicked early morning haze, you managed to fall back asleep under the warmth of Leon’s arm. It wasn’t until you felt something soft tickling your nose that you realized you fell back asleep, and with one eye you groggily peeked at what was bothering you.

Dubwool’s dark eyes stared back at you before nudging your head again. You raise a hand, pet it’s soft wool, and then close your eyes. Blissful, relaxing, warm…

Dubwool?

Leon didn’t have a Dubwool…

You dart back up, startling Dubwool and forcing it to hop down from the bed and the man next to you—who somehow can apparently sleep through _anything_ —to lazily mumble before gaining consciousness. His eyes blink open, look around his room as he flips from his stomach to his back before finally landing on you. You hold the blanket to your chest, covering yourself as if he hadn’t seen _literally everything_ the night before.

He’s about to open his mouth to say something when—

“Leon! You up yet?”

Hop. _Hop. **HOP.**_

You chance a look at him before you quickly slide under the covers, forcing yourself to lay as still and flat as possible as you feel Leon starting throwing pillows on top of you. Leon always ran a little hot—something you picked up on after years of knowing him—so his blankets were always thin. You could barely see out of them before your vision was covered by the pillows. And as you hear Hop entering the room and sighing about his brother still being in bed, you chance a look to the side and realize—yep. Still naked.

“You promised to come with Sonia and I to see Nessa at Hulbury. You know, I’m pretty sure Nessa was more excited to see you than she was Sonia. Don’t tell her I said that though.” Hop exclaimed, talking a mile a minute which was the usual with someone as eccentric as him. The Nessa comment rubbed you the wrong way, no matter how hard you tried to let it go. Leon was known as a bit of a player, after all.

You repress a sigh but under the cover of pillows and a blanket you allow yourself to roll your eyes at the breathy laugh Leon lets out. An eyeroll, then a blush, because his voice right in the mornings were one of the best sounds to ever grace your ears.

Was that creepy? Who cares at this point.

“Slow down, Hop. You said we’d leave around one, and it’s barely ten in the morning. I promise you I have time to rest a bit more. Now as for you just barging into my room—”

“Who cares about that! It’s not like you have anything to hide anyways. The reason you should have been up already is because our brand-new champion is finally coming back this morning! Well, she came back last night, but I didn’t get to see her. She’s been touring around Galar doing exhibition matches and she finally has a couple days off. We have to go and greet her.” You blush as you recognize your best friend’s excitement to see you. It makes you feel more guilty than ever.

You hear rustling—the tell-tale sign Hop has made himself comfortable on Leon’s chair, and you find yourself resisting another sigh. Can he just _leave_ already so you can get up, get dressed, and get Unfezant to fly you out the window?

“Oi, I’d like to be able to get dressed without you watching. Get out, would you? And go get Sonia from the Lab to meet us at the station.” You heard Hop get up from the slightly squeaky chair, “By the time you’re back I’ll be ready, and so will the Champion.” With what you assumed was a nod of assent, Hop silently left the room and descended the stairs.

You didn’t come up from the covers until you heard the door slam. You push the pillows off yourself, and then remove the cover and take a big breath of new air. You forget yourself, and your nakedness, because as you look towards Leon his face is berry red and he’s trying his hardest to keep his eyes levelled with yours.

With a squeak, you pull the covers back up to cover your chest for a second time. “So…” you begin, unsure of how to really move forward, “I-I…should go…”

“Or—” He moves towards her, gently prying the covers from your fingers so it pools back on your lap, “You could stay. We have time, after all.” His golden eyes lock on yours as his hand shifts from between your chest to your neck, pressing lightly on both sides in what you briefly remember telling him you liked last night.

Your breath hitches, and you lean in slightly before remembering the scene that just happened. “N-No!” You exclaim, way louder than you ever meant to. You look at him with what you hope is apology in your eyes, “I’m sorry, Leon. I had an amazing time last night but Hop—”

“—Is gone!”

“—Is my _best friend_.” You get up, forgoing the covers in favour for your clothes you see in the far corner of the room. “He doesn’t want me to ever get involved with you,” you might be telling him too much right off the bat, but in the presence of this man all common sense seems to float away from you. “and besides, last night was a one-time thing!” You slip your skirt on, feeling his eyes track every inch of leg the swaying fabric touches.

“Did you not enjoy yourself?” He says, his voice uncharacteristically small, and you could hear him getting up.

You kept your back to him as you looked for your shirt, “On the contrary, I think I had the best night in a long time.” You both share a chuckle, “But still, I’m Hop’s best friend, and honestly,” you find it strung haphazardly on the monitor of Leon’s computer. It’s a wonder Hop didn’t see it considering he sat _right next to it_. “being _intimate_ with someone I’m not dating is not something I do. I try and stay away from one-night stands.”

One-night stands are dangerous territory. You remember Bede telling you about a girl that wouldn’t stop coming to his gym to see him after they slept together. Bede is not a relationship person, but somehow, he always ends up in the beds of girls that want nothing more than a relationship.

In your entire monologue, where you more or less told Leon information he mostly likely didn’t care about, you didn’t notice him standing right behind you. Those same arms you fantasized about since you were fourteen, the same ones you felt around you last night and this morning, snake around your waist and pull your back flush against his chest. He lets out a low, breathy chuckle in your ear and you physically shudder.

“A one-night stand, huh.” His voice was still thick from sleep and having it so close to your ear leaves you suppressing a moan. “I don’t do one-night stands either. I don’t want to just have a one-night stand with you.”

“What are you saying?” You turn in his arms, shirt forgotten. He at least thought to put on some boxers but between your shared states of undress, there was barely a point; you in a bra and skirt, and him in boxers with his spectacular abs on show for all, made you blush so hard you physically felt the burn.

“Ever since you beat me as Champion I..” His gaze doesn’t falter from yours, “I couldn’t get you out of my head. I still can’t. The fires in your eyes, the trust you had in your Pokémon, it was nothing short of _breathtaking_.” Your breath catches, your eyes widen. You can’t believe you’re hearing this right now. This is everything you ever wanted since you knew what _want_ was.

Honestly, you kind of wanted to cry a little. Because as Leon is saying everything you ever wanted to hear, you have Hop’s voice in your head telling you everything you _didn’t_.

He takes a deep breath before finishing; “I never wanted just a one-night stand with you. I want everything you're willing to give me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok maybe ill continue...  
> MAYBE
> 
> talk to me on tumblr @ heartfirias
> 
> leave a comment/kudos if u want me to continue! <3


	3. three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You startle at his resolve and cower under his question. You _want_ to tell him. You _want_ to have a life with him. You _want_ to go on adventures, and battle new people, and have more amazing sex—you want it all with him. And he apparently wants it all with you too.
> 
> But you _cannot_ have it.

“I want to give you everything. B-But…”

“But what! You’re an adult woman. You’re the damn _champion_ for crying out loud! Why does Hop care so much anyways?”

You startle at his resolve and cower under his question. You _want_ to tell him. You _want_ to have a life with him. You _want_ to go on adventures, and battle new people, and have more amazing sex—you want it all with him. And he apparently wants it all with you too.

But you _cannot_ have it.

And maybe—maybe if you told him, you guys could work around it. Or both move on. He’d go on to date someone prettier, _stronger_ , and you’d try and forget him but inevitably be stuck watching him move on and live his life and-and-and—

Can you do this? Can you tell him? Would you feel too exposed? You’ve learned from countless battles that maximizing damage and minimizing risk is the surest way to victory. It’s how you climbed so fast and beat the **unbeatable**. In this situation, where you need to expose yourself to _so much_ risk in order to potentially be awarded a hidden part of your lifelong dream, is it worth it?

You realize it’s been a couple minutes since you said anything, and a sudden chill runs through your body due to the state of undress you find yourself in. Leon notices, and brings you in closer, enveloping you in his warmth instead of just letting you put on your clothes. You can’t say that you don’t like this way better though.

“If I tell you, you have to promise not to…” To what? Get mad? Get grossed out? Leave her? “..not to react too harshly. Okay? Promise?” You look up at him, batting your long eyelashes in a move that’s known to help you get what you want.

You see him visibly melt under your gaze, and your heart warm at the near-loving look he has in his eyes. “Okay, I promise. Just tell me already so I can tell you you’re overreacting, and we can get back to the good stuff.”

You chuckle before the reality of the situation dawns. You lead him back towards the bed, grabbing your shirt in the meantime and throwing it on, much to his dismay. “Okay, so, to be honest with you I’ve… _liked_ you more than my best friend’s brother for a long time now. And of course, Hop knows because there are little no secrets that exist between us.” Well, that’s going to change now. “And it’s weird for him. Which I completely understand. I’m his best friend and me liking you is _complicated_. And…” You taper off, unsure of how to approach the next topic without sounding resentful or jealous.

He nudges into you, silently urging you on. He covers your entwined hands with one of his large ones and rests it atop your lap. You look down at the joined appendages as you continue.

“You have quite the reputation.” You laugh mirthlessly. You can feel him tense up beside you and in turn it makes you want to crawl in a hole and tell your Inteleon to snipe shot the shit out of you. “I don’t mean it in a bad way! You’re an attractive, single, successful adult and you sure as hell can do whatever you want. And you deserve no judgment for it. And I’m not judging you in any way! I’m just…Hop and I know how well-liked you are, and I guess he just didn’t want me to get hurt. Not that you’d ever hurt me! I’m rambling, I’m sorry, I should leave—”

With a heavy sigh he clutches your hands tighter. “No, no. You’re right. When I first became champion, I let it go to my head. I got caught up in the fame that followed the title and the attention I was receiving was _addicting_. I fully understand my brother having…uh, _reservations_ about you and I.” He retracted his hand from yours and suddenly it felt like the room dropped a couple hundred degrees. He got up, stretched, then looked back at you.

“We should probably start heading out to meet them, huh? They’ve probably been waiting for a while.” Leon said as he began rummaging through his closet for something to wear. You sat there, frozen, unsure of where this conversation left you.

It all felt truly _unfinished_.

_Is he actually not going to say anything else?_

You nod dumbly, even though his back is facing you, and quietly get up and leave his room without another word. _Why did he just end the conversation there? Did he not mean anything he said?_

“Hey! Wait!” You think you heard him call after you, but honestly your brain was too busy thinking about seventy-five things all at once to pay attention. It was probably a good thing he changed the topic. It was easier that way, for all parties involved. You walked the stone path towards Wedgehurst, spinning a pokeball between your fingers.

Each Wooloo you walked past you made sure to pet, reminiscing in the time before the heaviness a championship title felt on your shoulder, and before you screwed up one of your longest lasting friendships. Soon you saw Sonia and Hop come into view, the ladder spotting you and running as fast as he could towards you with no intent of stopping.

Instead of cowering from his speeding form, you smiled widely, a warmth blooming in your chest as a result of your long-awaited reunion with your other half. You opened your arm, and what felt like a second later you were being enveloped in Hop’s embrace as he hugged you, lifted you, and spun you around. You felt tears blossom at the bottom of your lids and were quick to blink them away before he poked fun at your sentimentality.

“Hi Hop!” You exclaim between laughs and spins, trying not to lose your balance once he finally put you down. Your face is probably red from exertion and trying not to cry at the same time, and his face is nothing but a beaming smile. “I missed you. I missed _beating_ you, specifically.” You jested, and he knows, the familiar flame of competition lighting in his eyes.

“Right here, right now! I’ll show you just how strong me and my Pokémon have gotten!” He pumps his fist in the air, the other hand letting go of you entirely to reach for one of his Pokeballs. A small hand placed itself on his shoulder, effectively halting whatever move he was going to make next. You look up, eyes meeting aqua as you turn your attention on the slightly neglected Pokémon professor.

“Sonia, you look as gorgeous as always,” you begin, walking around Hop to reach another one of your oldest friends. You used to be so much shorter than her, but hit a growth spurt when you were fifteen that set you at the same height as the young professor.

You see her slight blush, before she scoffs and pulls you in for a tight hug. “You suddenly become champion and forget about our little family, huh?” It was then that you heard Leon approach the group, and you pointedly don’t look towards him when he makes himself known by greeting her brother.

“You know for a fact I’d never forget you—or any of you for that matter. How’s Professor Magnolia?” You ask, as the four of you begin making your ways towards the station. Sonia doesn’t waste time before jumping into conversation about dynamaxing and the possibility to bringing it to other regions. She touches on the new work she’s doing, into diving deeper into the history of Zacian and Zamanzenta, the ladder of which doesn’t waste time in vibrating it’s pokeball once it hears it name. With an affectionate pat, the legendary Pokémon settles down.

You lose yourself in the conversation and before you know it, the smell of the ocean hits your nose and you sigh with the with the sound of Pelippers singing in the wind. You always loved Halbury—the people were nice, the food was amazing, and the tranquility of it the waves against the docks always calmed your heart.

Which, funnily enough, was the _only_ thing you needed right now.

You still can’t get over the abrupt ending of one of the _most important_ conversations of your life. You can’t even bring yourself to look him in the eyes. And now, with Hop’s words ringing in your ear, will you be able to watch him and Nessa and their obvious sexual tension.

_“You know, I’m pretty sure Nessa was more excited to see you than she was Sonia.”_

God, this was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u know what the drill is


	4. four.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Compared to the stuffiness of Hammerlocke, I would be surprised if you told me you didn’t miss it here! And since you are here…” She clasped her hands behind her back and began rocking on her heels. “I think it’s only appropriate to challenge you to an exhibition match.”

After signing some autographs and handing out a couple of your League Cards, your group finally makes it to Halbury Stadium where Nessa, the leader of the gym, is waiting. As you all walk through the sliding doors; beyond the workers, the locals, and the couple of nervous gym challengers, you finally see the model-slash-gym leader that you also consider a good friend.

“Finally!” Nessa exclaims, disbanding the crowd forming in her lobby as if she’s parting the sea—pun fully intended. She reaches Sonia first, who pushes Hop out of the way to wrap her longest friend in a giant hug. Then down the list: Hop gets a fist bump and Leon—

If when you blink, and your eyes stay closed a little longer than they have to, you reject all blame. You open your eyes and they’re finally letting go of each other, the megawatt smile Nessa pulls out exclusively for Leon able to blind anyone that comes into contact with it. They stay looking at each other for an awkward amount of time—so long in fact you cough into your arm to break Nessa out of her spell.

She turns her cerulean gaze to you, “Well, well, well. If it isn’t the Champion!”

You allow your genuine admiration for this woman to swallow the inherent jealousy you feel. “Nessa,” you breathe, “it’s been a while since I was last here. I never knew how much I would miss the smell of the ocean until I left.” You two embrace, and she shines a smile your way.

“Compared to the stuffiness of Hammerlocke, I would be surprised if you told me you didn’t miss it here! And since you are here…” She clasped her hands behind her back and began rocking on her heels. “I think it’s only appropriate to challenge you to an exhibition match.”

You tense, and a sort of exhaustion begins to seep into your bones. You were adamant on giving your Pokémon a break after the rigorous training, followed by attaining an almost impossible championship title. But when faced with four pairs of eyes on you, all filled with a varying degree of excitement, you allow your shoulders to sag and a smile to grow.

Your pokeballs rattle with what you assume is excitement—as if they’re telling you they want to battle again, and your decision is made. “Alright, Nessa.” You grip Inteleon’s pokeball from your waist and give it a twirl around your fingers.

“Let’s battle.”

* * *

The feeling of being in Halbury stadium, surrounded by a roaring crowd, standing in front of the water master herself, brings back a wave of nostalgia you didn’t know you’d feel. You felt goosebumps erupt on your skin as you gripped the first and _**only**_ pokeball to be sent out. Your confidence isn’t unfounded; you’ve done your homework on every one of your planned opponents.

You beat the _damn_ champion for fuck sakes.

As she sent out her Drednaw, you sent out your Pangoro, and the battle officially **began**.

* * *

“Jheez! You’re a _monster_!” Exclaimed a defeated Nessa, her unconscious Quagsire returning to its pokeball and the arena effectively going wild. Your Pangoro was panting, clearly tired from the sheer power it exuded.

It took down the **whole team** after all.

You ran up to your Pokémon and envelop him in a large hug. The giant fighting-type wrapped his claws around you in what you taught him as affection. “Thank you _so much_ ,” you whisper, and allow the Pokémon to return to his pokeball and rest for as long as he needed.

You look up towards Nessa, and see her gleaming smile greet you. You then turn to the audience, and as humble as possible, scream at the top of your lungs. The crowd matches your enthusiasm ten-fold, and then you’re being ushered out of the stadium and into the shared waiting area.

You’re immediately tackled to the ground by an overly excited Hop, before he’s pushed off and Leon helps hoist you up. As Hop is giving a full play-by-play of the battle you literally _just fought in_ , and Sonia is off to heal your Pangoro as well as Nessa’s team, you remember who it was that saved you from being trapped under your eccentric best friend. You turn to Leon to thank him, but he’s not there. Instead, he’s sitting by Nessa, rubbing her back as she laughed about her loss. You looked away when she put her head on his shoulder and proceeded to make a quick exit once you felt your tears escape their carefully crafted prison inside of you.

“Hey, where are you going?” Asks Hop as you grab your spare clothes. He gets the attention from the other two in the room, but not from the person he directed the question to. You eventually gather all your things and make sure to slam the door behind you on the way out, just for that extra champion flare you feel you’ve earned the right to. You hear more shouting, but the sound is drowned out by the white noise you hear buzzing in your brain, and your vision is blurred from the tears that _won’t fucking **stop**_. You run and run, all the way back to the hotel, avoiding the fans waiting outside and the bellhop by the elevator. You opt for the stairs instead, taking two steps at a time before you trip somewhere around the eighth flight.

“Fuck!” You clutch your now bruised knee to your chest, the tears coming for another reason. You’ve made it eight out of fifteen stories, and for that you’re proud of yourself. Even if it means you have to hobble to the elevator for the remaining seven stories.

By the time you reach your door, realization dawns on you in the form of a missing pokeball. “Fuck again!” You yell to particularly no one, before pulling out your phone and key card and angrily pressing the number three on your speed dial.

The phone rings exactly twice before a very worried Sonia answers and begins giving you hell.

“Where the hell did you go?! You just win a match and then run off like it’s nothing, huh? This whole championship title has gone straight to your head!” During the entirety of her ramblings, you’ve managed to hobble to your bed after stripping to your bra and panties and applying ice to your bruising knee. “And on top of that you—”

“Are you done?”

“Excuse me?!”

“Sonia, listen. I’m sorry for running off but I have my own reasons for doing so. Please, I’ll explain sometime later, I just need Pangoro so I can sleep.” Since you began your journey, you haven’t been able to sleep without knowing your Pokémon are safe and sound beside you.

You think Sonia can hear the desperation and exhaustion in your voice, because instead of continuing her tirade, she just sighs and mumbles an affirmative before hanging up and leaving you to your thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha I am so sorry school has been kicking my ass jgfmkdnmfkv also do not tell me not a single one of yous hasn't beaten a whole team with only one Pokemon LMAO


	5. five.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the second time that night, you stare dumbly at Leon as he says your name, then pushes himself past you and into the room. Only when his eyes take their sweet time glazing down your body do you remember your state of undress, and promptly hobble to the washroom to grab a robe and cover yourself.
> 
> “Can I help you?” You ask, dissatisfaction clear in your tone. He takes a seat on your bed, still staring, still twirling that damn pokeball. You have half a mind to throw something at him—or better yet, summon one of your Pokémon to do it for you.

You’ve been icing your knee for the past twenty minutes, and thankfully the tenderness has gone down. You know the how bad a simple fall can get, and therefore you want to take every precaution you can. Putting on clothes, though, seems too much of an effort when all you want to do is just sleep this entire day away.

You feel your eyes slowly drifting closed when you hear a pounding at your door, effectively startling you. You stare at the door dumbly for a second before booting yourself into action and hobbling to get what you assume is your pokeball from Sonia.

But of course, you should have learned by now to expect the unexpected.

You open the door and are met with a searing amber gaze instead of the aqua one you were actually expecting. He was leaning against your doorframe, acting as if he owned the place, your Pangoro spinning in between his fingers.

For the second time that night, you stare dumbly at Leon as he says your name, then pushes himself past you and into the room. Only when his eyes take their sweet time glazing down your body do you remember your state of undress, and promptly hobble to the washroom to grab a robe and cover yourself.

“Can I help you?” You ask, dissatisfaction clear in your tone. He takes a seat on your bed, still staring, still twirling that **damn** pokeball. You have half a mind to throw something at him—or better yet, summon one of your Pokémon to do it for you.

“What was that back there? You win an amazing match then run off like a child in a tantrum. You beat her with only **_one Pokémon_**! Why did you leave?” His nonchalance was quick to turn into incredulousness, his frustration growing. You know when he begins waving his arms around when he talks, that his anger is at its peak.

Then you hate yourself for knowing that.

“I just didn’t want to be there anymore. I didn’t think my exit was _that_ noticeable.” You shrug, pretending to be calm when on the inside, your anxiety is simmering low in your stomach.

“You had Hop shouting your name throughout the whole gym, of course it was noticeable! You’re also, you know, the damn champion. When the champion wins a match without so much as switching out their Pokémon, people are going to want to talk to her!” He’s up from the bed now, stalking towards you, your Pangoro resting on your bed instead of between his insufferably ~~talented~~ _quick_ fingers.

“Well excuse me if I didn’t want to celebrate my _amazing_ win back there by watching you and Nessa three seconds away from devouring each other!” You shout, puffing before realizing the words that you just let slip. Your hands fly to cover your mouth, and you notice his stance shift from _angry grr I’m mad_ to physically taken aback.

_You fucked up. You fucked the fuck up._

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t know where that came from. You can do whatever you want—I have no right—I-I, fuck.” You’re stumbling, breaking, your eyes growing warm with what you know to be impending tears. “I’m sorry, again. I think you should leave.” Your arms encircle yourself as if you’re trying to make yourself **smaller.** You shift your gaze from his still somewhat shocked expression to the carpet beneath your feet. _They really should vacuum here more—_

With a whisper of your name, “Hey, look at me.” You finally risk a glance towards him, his eyes soft, gentle, a hint of what you think is **adoration** behind them. You’re also ninety-percent crazy at the point, and you’re certain what you think you see isn’t actually there.

His hand cups your cheeks, his thumb wiping away a tear you didn’t know escaped. “Nessa and I, we’re close. We have been since we were young. We met when I was just beginning my journey. Her and Sonia were always travelling together, so we all met often.” He took your hand and led you back to your bed, both of you sitting down and shuffling up to lean on the headboard. “I know about her feelings for me.” He says after a moment of silence, and you feel your chest constrict.

“So, are you two together now?” You don’t know why you ask, why you crave the **pain** his answer will bring you. You bring your knees to your chest and rest your head upon them, still facing him.

His gaze never falters from yours, “How would you feel if we were?”

His question makes you scoff, the pain in your chest making it harder and harder for you to _breathe_. You never knew heartbreak could be so physical. “You know how I feel about you—I basically told you everything back in Postwick. And then you acted like nothing ever happened, so. If that’s how you reject a confession, I’m guessing between how close you and Nessa were, that you accepted hers.” The tears are harder to keep at bay, but instead of the torrential anger and torment you thought you’d feel, you just feel an **_overwhelming exhaustion_**. A traitorous tear slips down your cheek, then another, and you still refuse to turn away from him. “I get it though. From the way I acted today I wouldn’t want to be with me either.” A humourless chuckle, and finally you turn your face to sit in the crevice of your knees.

“We’re not. Together, I mean. We’re not together. I don’t like her like that.” He wraps an arm around your quivering form, moving to place a kiss on the side of your head. “Please, look at me. I need you to look at me if I’m to say this.”

You feel it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done, to face him after embarrassing yourself. You won’t deny the small sliver of happiness and **hope** you allowed to pass through you at the thought of Leon and Nessa not together.

You turn to him, and once again you see what you think is adoration flash through his gaze. “I don’t want her like that. I only want **_you_** like that.”

Your eyes widen, your breath is stolen from your throat. You swallow, “Want me like what?”

“Like this.” And his mouth is on yours.

You’re facing _whiplash_ from the direction this conversation was going to how you ended up here. You don’t waste time pressing your mouth against his, though. You would never keep him waiting like that.

His tongue licks at your bottom lip, begging for entrance, which you allow with a whimper. He pulls you on top of his lap, still connected, your hands flying to dig into his hair. You push his cap off of his head, pulling back a bit to let him peel the robe off your shoulders. His fingers trace your bra strap, and you lower onto him to find some sort of friction to appease the **heat** that’s replaced your anxiety in the pit of your stomach. His hands find your bare hips next, buck into you once, twice. You moan into the kiss, and he groans back.

You break the kiss, in which he chases after. You grin, “You’re wearing too many clothes, Leon.” You pull at his hem, and with a huff and a smile, he pulls his shirt over his head and unceremoniously flips you over so he’s hovering on top of you.

You stare at him above you, sure your face is a mirror of your currently bursting heart. Aside from beating him at the championship, you’re not sure there’s been a time where you’re happier to be looking at him. He matches your gaze, a goofy smile spread on his lips as he places your thighs above his knees.

“Can I continue?” He asks, fingering the strap of your bra.

“I think I’d kill you if you stopped.” You’re quick to reply, reaching behind you and unclipping the restraining material. “I’ve wanted this long before we did it the first time, and about every moment after.” You refuse to shy away from your feelings any longer, tired of letting your assumptions take over your heart.

“Yeah,” he says, leaning down to connect your lips once again, “me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your comments and kudos and all that shiz has honestly given me the motivation to continue this ily all and I wanna connect with y'all!!! my tumblr is @heartfirias pls come give me hug nd kis


	6. six.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I enjoyed last night. I enjoy you. I enjoy this. But there is someone who won’t, and that person is very close to the both of us. And I think I need to talk to him.” Leon’s gaze softens, and he runs his lips over your shoulder blade and down your back as he straddles your legs to give you a more in-depth massage. You sigh blissfully, melting into the mattress.
> 
> “I can talk to Hop if you want,” He suggests, kneading into the knots that you don’t doubt are there. “save you from an awkward conversation.”

So, you had sex again.

You’re a grown woman, you’ve worked _so_ damn **hard** to get to where you are at right now, and you’re laying naked beside someone you’ve been irrevocably **in love with** since you hit puberty.

So why, why, **_why_** , do you feel so guilty?

You both decided to migrate to his suite sometime in the middle of the night, considering it’s so much bigger than yours (damn his famousness). You’re currently nestled under Leon’s arm and he’s fast asleep, but the thoughts swimming in your head prevent you from joining him in slumber. Your plan was to sleep in and start the day with good energy; partly to apologize to everyone and partly to resume your training. Yet you’ve found yourself awake at what you can only assume is an ungodly hour. The clock besides you flashes 6:47AM, and you try diligently to return to your dreamland. But alas, sleep evades your very person, and if not for the fact you have a slumbering man on top of you, you would have groaned and thrashed at the fact.

And you _know_ why. You aren’t oblivious or ignorant. You _know_ a few doors down your best friend is probably watching anime or facetiming Marnie (Arceus knows he pulls all-nights like sleep is optional). You _know_ he’s probably upset at your abrupt exit. You _know_ he hasn’t seen you in a while. And you **_know_** he doesn’t want you in the exact same position you’re in right now.

At the end of the day, your loyalty will always fall to Hop. He is your platonic soulmate and has been there for you like no one else has. Since you got your first Pokémon to winning the championship, he has steadily challenged you and simultaneously been in your corner your entire life.

You sigh, accept your fate, and place a tentative hand on Leon’s forearm. As you begin to lightly shake him, he groans, caging you in tighter and the _fangirl_ within you is screaming at the gesture. Nevertheless, you increase the force of your shake, and he eventually opens one groggy eye, then the second, and blinks rapidly at the sunlight peeking through the curtains.

“Mornin’.” He grumbles, leaning over your shoulder to give you a quick peck on the lips. You swoon. He grins lazily and lifts you from your makeshift prison.

“Good morning,” You begin, rubbing a hand over your face with the newfound freedom of your arms. You shift onto your side to face him, curling one arm around the bottom of your pillow to feel the coolness of the other side. He notices your apprehensive expression, and his smile slowly slips. “I doubt you’re going to like what I have to say.”

His eyes widen, understandably so, in what you can only describe as _hurt_. Your heart constricts, and you’re quick to fix your indiscretion. “It’s not about last night! Well, it kinda is. But not in a bad way! But it can be perceived as such. But not for me! Maybe for me.” You groan, flipping to your stomach and groaning in the pillow.

Leon chuckles, then begins rubbing your back in soothing circles. “Hey, _breathe_. Talk to me.”

“I enjoyed last night. I enjoy you. I enjoy this. But there is someone who won’t, and that person is very close to the both of us. And I think I need to talk to him.” Leon’s gaze softens, and he runs his lips over your shoulder blade and down your back as he straddles your legs to give you a more _in-depth_ massage. You sigh blissfully, **melting** into the mattress.

“I can talk to Hop if you want,” He suggests, kneading into the knots that you don’t doubt are there. “save you from an _awkward_ conversation.”

“I don’t think it’ll be awkward more than it’ll be difficult. Hop is my **person**. My best friend—my soul. I don’t want to hurt him or lie to him anymore than I have been. But I know at this point it’s inevitable. I won’t be able to give _you_ the attention _you **deserve**_ until I talk to him.”

“Well,” he climbs off of you, and helps turn you back onto your side, “it seems you have it all figured out, Miss _Champion_.” A boyish smirk, one you’ve missed seeing. “Are you sure you don’t want me going with you?”

“If anything is going to make this conversation awkward, it’ll be you sitting next to me as I explain to your brother how we ended up sleeping together and later confessing to each other.” You giggle and wrap your arms around his neck to pull him into a kiss.

“Okay, okay, you’re right. But who says you have to talk to him now?” And he dives into your neck, throwing the blanket off of your naked form as you giggle and allow him to pick up where you two left off last night.

* * *

“I know, I know. It was childish of me to run off how I did. And yes, I’ve apologized a _trillion_ times about how I spoke to you on the phone. I was just going through it, but that’s still no excuse. Yes, yes. You’re the greatest of all time. Yes. Yes. Okay I’m hanging up now. See you soon, Sonia.” You chuckle while hanging up the phone. She wasn’t angry so much as she was confused, thankfully, but she still made apologizing into such a _chore_.

Leon sets a cup of tea in front of you before walking back to the sofa and opening his laptop. “Thanks!” You go about blowing at the steam that wafts from the mug, checking your phone every three seconds to see if Hop has texted you back regarding his whereabouts.

“Obsessively checking your phone isn’t going to make a notification pop up,” Leon says, mischievous drawl attached to his words. You settle your gaze on him, one arm folded behind his head as he leaned back into the plush sofa, another scrolling through what you assume to be emails.

“Yeah, whatever. He usually texts me back before I’m even sure the message has sent. It’s weird for him to take so long to answer me.” You’re nervous and you don’t bother to hide it. You’ve been awake for around three or so hours, and you messaged him over twenty minutes ago. You called Sonya and even her **thorough** explanation on how _“your actions yesterday can hinder your appearance as Champion”_ ~~yadda yadda yadda~~ was shorter than the time Hop’s taking to text you back. You asked a simple question: are you in your suite? His answer could be 2-3 letters depending on where he is. It would be so easy to just pick up his phone and—

Suddenly, a loud **bang** erupts from the door. You jump, and Leon snickers before getting up to go check who’s making such an unnecessary racket. You ignore it, for favour of staring a hole through your stupid phone.

“Okay, okay, there’s really **no need** for all of that noise!” Leon yells through the door, scratching the back of his head and mumbling something incoherent before yanking open the door.

“This better be go— _oh_ , Hop.”

“’Sup bro! I lost my phone and was wondering if I left it in—” 

You hear a gentle exhale of your name, before your eyes fly up to meet sparkling gold.

_Oh, fuck fuck fuck fuck!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the loooooong wait for a short chapter!!! as u guys can probs tell im physically incapable of writing more than 1500 words a chapter. ily guys sm! <3 thanks for all of ur comments and kudos and bookmarks and all that jazzzzzzz!!! <3


	7. seven.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God, you’re gross. Your best friend and the man you’ve been sleeping with, who you’ve also been in love with, and is also your best friend’s brother—are engaged in a yelling match with each other and all you can think about are Leon’s giant hands just—
> 
> For fuck’s sake!

Time stands **still**. A champion, a best friend, and a brother. You watch thirty different emotions flit across Hop’s _woefully_ expressive face like the scariest movie you’ve ever watched. Perhaps maybe for the first time in your life, you’ve rendered him speechless.

And not in a good way.

Which, in hindsight, is not surprising. Your best friend has just walked in on you almost naked lounging in his brother’s suite like it’s normal. The room is silent save for the soft ding of Leon’s laptop in the background to signal someone has emailed him, and the overhead fan providing cold air that has seemed to leave your body.

Hop says your name in pure _confusion_ , “What are you doing here?” His eyes drift over your body, notices your state of undress, and then gain a sense of clarity. He averts his now murderous gaze to his brother. “What did you **_do_**!?”

“What the _hell_ is that supposed to mean?” Leon answers, defensiveness clear in his tone. He’s still stationed by the door, Hop a couple feet away from him.

Hop’s attention flicks between the both of you, unsure where to start. You sigh, wring your hands under the table, then open your mouth to begin arguably the most **torturous** conversation of your life. “Hop, _please_ , sit down. Let’s talk. I’ll tell you everything.”

* * *

“And now we’re here. It’s only happened a few times. But Hop,” you reach over the table you’re both sat at, Leon long retreating to the bedroom to offer you two a modicum of privacy, to grasp his hand, “if you seriously want me to end this, I will. I went against our promise and I let my stupid feelings get between our friendship—”

He says your name to snap you out of your reverie, his hand wrapping around yours. “I’m not going to ask you to do that. If anything, _I_ should be apologizing.”

“Hop—”

“ _Please_ ,” his eyes are tired, so different than his usual energetic golden gaze, but they still carried the same adoration he’s always had for you, “let me get this out. You didn’t ever think of him as just a childhood crush, and I never realized that. Who am I to tell you who you can and cannot date, after all?”

“You’re my best friend, and my _person_. Whether you want me to or not, I’ll always take your opinion into account for everything I do.” You speak with no hesitation, no stutter in your speech.

He chuckles, letting go of your conjoined hands to raise his arms in a stretch. “Well, here’s my opinion: do whatever you want. I trust _you_. But as for him,” the lightheartedness in his actions suddenly vanish—seriousness keeping his body rigid. His next words come out in a mumble, “I don’t want him to hurt you.”

Your heart is so full. “Do you want to talk to him? I can go grab us something from the restaurant downstairs, or order us room service from the bedroom?”

He stands up, shaking his head and stretching once again. “Nah,” he says easily, “I’ll go in there and have a short chat. Stay out here, we won’t be long.” You think you see a hint of something…carnal in Hop’s gaze, but quickly dismiss it. Surely the _walking ball of sunshine_ could not have any ill intent against someone…

Who the hell were you kidding? Leon would be lucky to make it out of there with both eardrums intact.

And, cue the yelling. You turned on the television to try and make your obvious eavesdropping well, _less obvious_. But you’re pretty sure that they both know you’re listening intently to the heated conversation happening behind the bedroom door.

“You better not treat her like the others!” You think you hear Hop threaten, to which Leon appeases, trying to calm him down somewhat.

“You really think I’d fuck her over like that?” He’s exasperated, you can tell. You can imagine his **huge** arms are crossed over his **broad** chest…

_God_ , you’re gross. Your best friend and the man you’ve been sleeping with, who you’ve also been in love with, and is also your best friend’s brother—are engaged in a _yelling match_ with each other and all you can think about are Leon’s giant hands just—

_For fuck’s sake!_

You slap your cheeks twice and return to the couch once you hear them quiet down. You know they won’t believe you, but you still want to at least _try_ and pretend you weren’t listening to every word they said.

Both brothers exit the room at the same time, matching grins and promises to begin their weekly training sessions again soon. You notice Hop’s twirling his previously lost phone in his hand. The **_damn phone_** that you should be thanking if it were ever sentient. You get up from the couch quickly.

“Everything okay?” You ask for no particular reason. Hop’s shines his signature cheeky smile, which has never failed in giving you necessary reassurance. Leon has something akin to adoration in his gaze. Fondness maybe. Dare you say… _Lo—_

“We’re good. I have plans to go train with some members of Nessa’s gym.” He envelops you in a hug, pulling back slightly to place a quick peck on your cheek.

“You don’t wanna get breakfast?” Leon pipes up, pulling you by the shoulders into his chest. He wraps the same arms that haunt your fantasies over your shoulder, and you lean back into him, the PDA feeling so _foreign_.

Hop looks at you both and chuckles, “Nope. I already ate. And I don’t want to be subject to you two acting all _lovey-dovey_ any more than I have to be. I’ll meet you at the station in an hour and a half! Bye!” And with that, he’s out the door, his footsteps pounding against the hallway as you hear him forgo the elevator to hit the stairs.

You wrestle yourself away from Leon to close the door. Then you turn to him, and you feel all tension leave your body. “What a crazy morning.”

“You can say that again,” He walks back over to you, a hand under your chin to tilt your head back enough for him to envelope your lips in an innocent kiss turned hot. You moan into his mouth once he takes the chance to force your lips open with his tongue, his other hand wrapping around your lower back and dipping you down.

You wrap your hands around his neck, enjoying the sensual make out before grabbing a fist of his hair and, as gentle as possible, yanking him away. “I’m hungry.”

“Me too.” You can tell by his eyes that he means something completely different.

“No, like, _actually_ hungry. I don’t think I’ve eaten since, like, lunch yesterday. Let’s get dressed, packed, and head to the restaurant by the station.”

A huff, a roll of his eyes, “Fine. But not before one round.”

“ _Leon_!”

* * *

“So…” You’re both seated at the lush harbour front restaurant, waiting for the bill after stuffing your faces with the amazing seafood.

“So…?” He looks up from where he was checking his Rotom phone. “What’s up?”

“The whole Hop thing this morning made me somewhat _brave_ ,” you start, pausing briefly when the waiter comes with the bill and Leon pulls out his wallet. The waiter leaves, pleased with the sizeable tip, and you’re both left alone once more. “what are we?”

Leon chokes on the water he regrets choosing to sip.

“Well, there goes my bravery.” You tease, savouring the rare moments where you catch him off guard.

“Sorry, sorry. That was sudden.” He chuckles, before reaching over the table to intertwine your hands together. He says your name with such reverence in his tone you can’t help but swoon, “My **_Champion_**. I was an idiot to ever think I could brush past the way you made me feel. I was an idiot to have waited this long. But I won’t be that same idiot anymore. I want to be with you, in whatever title that entails and whatever circumstances that may bring. I-I…” His breath hitches, and you feel yourself about to fall off your chair from leaning over so much. “I…I-“

“I love you too, Leon.”

He chuckles, his eyes full of love. _Love_. _Love for you_. “Way to steal my thunder,”

“You sounded like you were drowning a bit there.” You retort, eyes full of mirth and you know an equal amount of love.

“It’s funny how the one person I thought I could never have turned into the only person I know I’ll ever need.” His nervousness gone now, his eyes smoldering, his hands tightening around yours.

“Let’s get out of here, yeah? I believe I owe you dessert.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that was a ride! I honestly dont know how to end a story like this, considering I never rly expected to make it past the first chapter. this is my first story ive ever actually completed hehe. sorry it took me so long<3 (also ik its cheesy to put the title in the dialogue but sue me it was cute)
> 
> thank u guys for the continuous support. I love u all so much. please stay safe!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> hi i haven't written anything fanfic wise in like, years. but i just finished the game and i love the character and i needed to write this LMAO pls be gentle
> 
> talk to me over on tumblr @ heartfirias
> 
> leave a like/comment if you want me to keep this going!


End file.
